Performance Reviews - Part 3: How to Lead Conversations That Build Trust

Aug 19

4 min read

A Coaching Series for Conscious Leaders

Performance Reviews Shape Culture—Not Just Through Systems, but Through Conversations.

Having sat on all sides of the table—as an executive, a coach, and a former team leader myself—I’ve seen that what happens after the review is what people remember most. Conversations post-calibration either build trust or chip away at it. They can inspire ownership and commitment—or plant seeds of doubt, disengagement, and resentment.

Part 3 of this 3-part series explores how to hold these critical moments with care, courage, and clarity—and how to move from transactional communication to transformational connection.

How to Lead the Conversation That Can Build—or Break—Trust

The performance rating may be over. But the real leadership work starts here.

Too many managers breathe a sigh of relief after submitting ratings, thinking the hard part is done. But for the employee, this is the moment that matters most. How you talk about the review—especially if it's difficult—sets the tone for trust, engagement, and future growth.

The Disconnect Is Real

Many employees walk away from performance reviews unclear about how they’re really doing or where they stand. Even more walk away feeling discouraged or unseen.

This disconnect happens because:

The conversation is rushed or overly scripted
Managers fear being too harsh or too vulnerable
Feedback is delivered without context, support, or a path forward

Why This Moment Matters

A performance conversation isn’t just a summary of the past year. It’s a reflection of how much you value the person sitting across from you.

Done poorly, it feels like judgment. Done well, it feels like investment.

Common Challenges Managers Face

Before we explore what good looks like, it's important to name the blockers that keep many managers from showing up well in post-review conversations:

Unclear HR or Legal Boundaries. → Many managers feel unsure about how to give constructive feedback without crossing a line. They're afraid of saying the "wrong" thing, or triggering risk. ✅ What to do instead: Partner with HR before the conversation. Clarify what guidance is in place and how to deliver honest, well-documented feedback with care. When in doubt, root it in observable behaviors, not assumptions.
Fear of Opening the Door to Feedback—Back at Them. → Many leaders hesitate to make it a two-way conversation because they worry about losing authority, or hearing something they can’t respond to. ✅ What to do instead: You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to listen. Try: “I’d welcome any feedback you have for me as well. I know it can feel risky to offer that, especially in this kind of setting—but if there’s something you’d like me to know or consider, I’m open to hearing it.”

Real talk: This kind of invitation often sounds like lip service—because employees know their manager controls their compensation, advancement, and possibly even job security. It's important not to pressure them into speaking up. Instead:

Signal psychological safety consistently throughout the year—not just during review season.
Ask for feedback on specific decisions or processes rather than open-ended “How am I doing?” questions.
Accept any feedback with humility and gratitude—even if it’s small or surface-level. That builds trust for more honesty over time.

For employees: If you’re unsure whether it’s safe to offer upward feedback, look for cues in how your manager responds to resistance, disagreement, or past feedback. If in doubt, focus on surfacing needs (what would help you succeed) rather than critiques (what they’re doing wrong).

Creating a two-way street isn’t a sign of weakness. It models the very growth culture you’re trying to build.

A Better Way to Approach the Conversation

Prepare with empathy and clarity. → Ask yourself: What do I want this person to feel and understand when they leave?
Name what’s working before naming what’s missing. → Start with strengths and progress to create openness.
Speak with honesty, not harshness. → Use clear, kind language rooted in observable behavior.
Make it a dialogue, not a monologue. → Ask: What resonated most for you? What feels unclear? What support would help?
Co-create what’s next. → Identify a few priorities and support structures—together.

Scripts for Tougher Conversations

Instead of: “You need to show more initiative.”

Try: “I’ve noticed a few moments this year where you waited for direction, even when you had strong instincts. Let’s talk about how we can support you in leading more proactively.”

Instead of: “Your communication is a problem.”

Try: “There have been a few communication breakdowns that had ripple effects. Can we explore what’s getting in the way and work on a plan together?”

If You Want a Growth Culture, Speak Like It

Every conversation you have reinforces what you value. If you want to build a culture of growth:

Normalize real talk and repair
Celebrate self-awareness and effort
Reward not just achievement, but resilience

✨ Coaching for Culture-Building Conversations

Performance season ends. But culture is ongoing. Coaching helps leaders have the kinds of conversations that leave people feeling seen, supported, and motivated to grow.

Let’s talk about how to strengthen trust—one conversation at a time. starpowercoaching.net