Not All Help Is Helpful: How to Vet a Coach or Therapist You Can Trust

Recently, I came across a post on a local forum that stopped me in my tracks. Someone shared a painful experience with a relationship coach who, despite a polished brand and glowing reviews, behaved in ways that were unprofessional, inappropriate, and ultimately harmful.

It was a sobering reminder of something many people don’t realize until they’ve been hurt: just because someone offers “healing” or “growth” doesn’t mean they’re qualified—or safe—to do so.

When you reach out to a coach or therapist, you're placing your trust—and often your most vulnerable self—into their hands. That choice deserves discernment and care.

I’ve seen people thrive under the guidance of excellent coaches and compassionate therapists. I’ve also seen people get hurt by providers who lacked clear boundaries, sufficient training, or accountability. A close friend of mine had a painful experience with a licensed therapist—proving that credentials alone don’t guarantee integrity.

What can truly makes a difference is how someone is trained, the ethical standards they uphold, and whether they are accountable to a professional body.

Coaching vs. Therapy: What’s the Difference?

A therapist is a licensed mental health professional trained to help clients work through emotional pain, trauma, or mental health issues. Therapy often explores the past to support healing in the present.

A coach is focused on helping clients create clarity, set goals, and build toward the future. Coaches don’t treat mental health conditions and are not licensed by state boards.

Both can be incredibly helpful—but they serve different purposes. Knowing which one you need, and finding the right person to do it, is key.

Coaching Isn’t Regulated—So Choose Carefully

One important thing to know: coaching is not a legally regulated profession. Anyone can call themselves a coach—even without training, ethics, or experience.

That’s why I recommend looking for coaches who are credentialed by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). The ICF is the most widely recognized credentialing body in the field and holds coaches to clear standards for education, professionalism, and ethics. ICF-credentialed coaches must:

• Complete accredited training

• Log supervised coaching hours

• Adhere to a rigorous, enforceable Code of Ethics

• Remain accountable through an independent review process

You can learn more here:

🔹 coachingfederation.org/ethics

🔹 coachingfederation.org/find-a-coach

Questions to Ask Before You Work with a Coach or Therapist

Whether you're exploring coaching or therapy, it’s okay—and important—to ask questions. A trustworthy provider will respect and welcome your desire to feel safe and informed.

Here are some questions you might consider asking:

• What training or certifications do you have?

• Are you licensed or credentialed by a professional body (like ICF, a state board, etc.)?

• Do you follow a code of ethics?

• How do you handle confidentiality and informed consent?

• What’s your experience with situations like mine?

• How do you handle conflicts, feedback, or concerns from clients?

• Are you trauma-informed or trained in working with high-conflict dynamics?

• What would you do if something felt emotionally unsafe during a session?

Questions are important not just at the start, but throughout the relationship. Your comfort and safety matter every step of the way.

If anything ever feels off, dismissive, or unsafe—you have every right to pause, ask questions, or step away. You’re never “too much” or “too sensitive” for needing clarity and care.

A respectable provider will not be defensive when asked these questions—they’ll welcome them. In fact, good coaches (and good therapists) see this kind of dialogue as a sign of strength. It shows you're engaged and honoring your own wisdom.

You Are the Expert on You

A skilled, ethical coach—and many therapists as well—understand that their role isn’t to hand you answers, but to help you access your own. The best support invites you to listen more deeply to yourself, make empowered choices, and move forward with clarity and confidence.

They create a space where you lead the process, and where your voice, timing, and values are honored. It’s not about control or advice—it’s about partnership rooted in respect.

That’s the kind of support we all deserve.

Everyone Deserves Safe Support

Whether you're seeking healing, clarity, or growth, you deserve to work with someone who meets you with skill, humility, and integrity—someone who honors your process, not overrides it.

And if you’ve had a difficult or harmful experience in the past, I hope you know: it wasn’t your fault. You were right to ask for help. And you are right to expect better.

With the right fit, coaching—and therapy—can be a deeply empowering experience. Don’t settle for anything less than care that feels safe, ethical, and truly aligned with you.

---

If you're unsure how to vet a provider or whether coaching is the right fit, I'm happy to help— offered not to promote my services, but simply as a gesture of support and care. You can reach out anytime at starpowercoaching.net.